dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
