If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
