whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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