You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
