When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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