yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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