dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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