I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
