That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
