Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
