He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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