...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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