Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
