mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
