My friends, they love my intelligence
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
