Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
