I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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