I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize