I will die if light touches me.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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