You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
