that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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