How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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