the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
