Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
