i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
