its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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