Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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