he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I could make wine with my vomit
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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