I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
