Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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