booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
