all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
