It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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