Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
