Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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