Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
