Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize