maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
