just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize