well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
