We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
