youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
