I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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