Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
