You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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