you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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