Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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