I just cut my nipple shaving
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
