I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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