And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
