she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
