I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
