I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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