I just cut my nipple shaving
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
