why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
