I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
