You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
