I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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