my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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