i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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