Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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