You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
