okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
