OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
