your parents love me but you hate me
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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