I wish they made helmets for livers.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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