you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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