Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
